Suicide Diary of an A.I.I.M.S , New Delhi Student

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Image Source : Another LGBT suicide. Moms & Dads, hug your kids, love them well, be there for them. They need you!

Suicide Diary of A.I.I.M.S , New Delhi Student
Dr. Rachit Gupta Dies by Suicide;

I cannot work with those who control my destiny

Reasons Found in Diary
Dr. Rachit Gupta Dies by Suicide; Reasons Found in Diary by Kevin Caruso
July 17, 2004 – Dr. Rachit Gupta, 29, a senior resident medical doctor who worked at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in New Delhi, India, died by suicide on July 15, 2004. Dr. Gupta had suffered from narcolepsy and epilepsy, and many initially believed that he died by suicide because he had difficulty coping with the conditions. But a 140-page diary that Dr. Gupta left behind has been discovered that offers insight into his reasons for dying by suicide. In the diary, Dr. Gupta mentions two doctors from the Department of Neurosurgery at the All India Institute of Medical Services who harassed him incessantly. He also mentions that he was intentionally humiliated in front of his future father-in-law by a senior doctor. Additonally, Dr. Gupta was disturbed about the breaking off of his marriage engagement a few months back. Dr. Gupta left a suicide note in which he said that he had been suffering from depression. (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.) He died by suicide after injecting himself with an overdose of tranquilizers. Fellow doctors were in shock after the suicide and called for an investigation into the death. “What made him slide into depression, needs to be probed,” said one resident doctor. Dr Gupta worked in the Department of Neurosurgery at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences. Source: Dr. Rachit Gupta Dies by Suicide; Reasons Found in Diary

The suicide diary of an AIIMS student!

By Rajeev R Roy in New Delhi, The Pioneer (Newspaper)
| Wednesday, 21 July , 2004, 15:29

He is gone and so only those who knew him closely would remember a tender soul that once touched many hearts. But what he leaves behind ought to jog the conscience of those who are supposed to epitomise empathy. Dr Rachit Gupta’s suicide notes give an insight into a brilliant mind’s myriad feelings and how they were throttled to death by insensitive seniors before he chose to take his own life as a nervous wreck.
Rachit, who committed suicide last week, was a post-graduate neuro-surgery student at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS). The contents of his diary speaks primarily of his sudden bouts of epilepsy and of his professors who would refuse to deal with him with care and affection.
Each line that he wrote about his illness and professors is about human apathy. One of the entries in his diary goes like this:

“I’ve tried hard to go back to work as soon as narcolepsy episodes were controlled, and it’s largely been because of my intense desire to prove these wise people wrong. I have succeeded. I went back and worked well despite the ungracious welcome I got from Dr Mehta and the news that Dr Mahapatra had my locker broken and cleared in my absence.”

“Yet, all that I get from Dr Mehta are constant reminders that my career is spoilt and that I’ll never be able to finish neurosurgery. What do I have to look forward to? The love of my life has abandoned me, with or against her will, and the step that she’s taken is irrevocable. My professional life is in a mess, and I don’t think I shall be able to continue to work with pleasure with the people who control my destiny,” he adds.
In what appears to be a sordid reflection on the work culture in India’s premier centre of health education, research and care, Rachit wrote:

“Ah, the Neurosurgery Department! It has had a great role to play too. Dr Mahapatra believes that he is the only person who works around here and the rest are just trying to shirk all the time.”

“I can’t continue to live in a place where my individual wishes and aspirations are held to ransom by people who have no business messing with me. I have nothing to give to this world, and I don’t think I’m fit enough to live. I have gone home and met my parents for the last time today. I have touched their feet and hugged them and asked them for forgiveness for my sins,” Rachit wrote in his diary on July 14.

From the contents of the diary, it seems that Rachit was fed up with the lethal cocktail of “humiliation, frustration and depression”, and that it had forced him to believe that the road had ended for him. What is worse is that there was none among his peers to make him realise that he still had a long way to go.

“I have met Sunil and talked to Rachna didi, the two people whom I trust, will watch after me. I cannot think of any way in which I can be brain-dead so that my organs can be useful. Dr Mahapatra would say that I’m already brain-dead. I do hope that they are able to salvage something useful from … that can be useful to somebody,” he wrote.

Dwelling at length on his “cordial and deep” relationship with his girlfriend and family members, Dr Rachit stated: “What has brought on my decline? I have never been ambitious. I’ve only wanted to live peacefully with my loved ones, with the only purpose in life being good at my work. I’ve loved my subject and my work, and my patients have been kind enough to bless me. I have an extremely loving family, which would do anything for me and for whom I would do anything.”

And then, there was a caring and grateful lover that he was deep within himself. “I’ve been lucky enough to be loved and to love a terrific girl and have a lifetime’s experience that should’ve been enough for a lifetime. But that has also been a weakness. I’ve loved her immensely and she’s done the same. She’s known about my narcolepsy episodes since the beginning, but when we decided to tell her parents, all hell broke loose.”

The diary contains not less than 140 pages written by Rachit. On July 14, Rachit appears to have written five-and-a-half pages, the copy of which is in possession with The Pioneer. Rachit, 29, was a senior resident doctor and lived in hostel no 8 of the institute from where his body was recovered on the morning of July 15. The diary is currently in possession of the Delhi Police.

Rachit concluded: “I am thankful for all that I’ve received but I’ve become too full of hatred to be worthy of living in my own eyes. God forgive me. I have loved like one possessed, I must repent in a true fashion. I’ve degraded myself frighteningly … May God watch over all I so sincerely love.”
Source: – Sify.com

Image Source: An Historical Guide To Christian Suicide

For more details, kindly read Jeevanshu Dhawan’s answer to Why does AIIMS, New Delhi internationally rank way lower than Chinese universities and other world class universities?
and
Indian Army : Do all of them deserve the same kind of respect ? What is their role in A.I.I.M.S, other Indian Institutions and Establishments?

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